Neighborly interactions are different everywhere. For that matter, they change through time as well. In twenty-first century America (in the majority of neighborhoods in the country), the idea of neighborly relations encapsulated in the image of borrowing a cup of sugar and 2 eggs, or of Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith having a cocktail after work while the Mrs.'s chat about the newest furniture fabric cleaner--is undeniably passee.
You go home to your house. I go home to my house. That's the way we have it now, and that's the way we like it. By no means does that go to say that we never interact. But unless neighbors have a compelling reason to mingle, suburban America isn't down with neighbors-as-extended-family motif. In all fairness, we don't even see our extended families very often.
Here in Oman, as in most of the Arab world and many other areas, the story is different. To be polite, the daily visit is de rigeur. Turning down an invitation (even if they come every day) for lunch or coffee is rude. Moreover, it is not understood. This is the other side of Arab hospitality--the side that can cause neighborly tensions and down-right hard feelings.
This is thankfully one culture clash that I actually understand. There are a few causes for my current standing as a poor neighbor:
1. Hospitality. They are simply generous people.
2. The reciprocal cultural norm of accepting hospitality. You have to give it, and just as much you have to take it up.
3. I am a bleep on the Omani suburb radar screen. I should be doing more to become one with the Omani women. I have already been told that I would be much more beautiful if I covered my hair, and that if God is good (which, of course, he is) I will join them in Islam.
4. Lastly, there is little to no concept in rural Oman of personal space. This is not at all unique to Oman, but rather to all poor and closely-knit societies. Fifteen people to the same house. You're lucky if you get to share a room with only two siblings. Swarms of little kids. Even the recently married cousins of the family spent their wedding night in the decked-out bedroom which opens onto the women's sitting room and borders on the kitchen! Not my idea of personal space. This, however, is perfectly normal, and even desired here.
Let me give you a simple anecdote to illustrate this last point. One of the smartest students at the college lives in this house next to ours. Often we drive him to school because we are going the same way and he doesn't have a car. Everyday his mother franticly waves us into the house. (In fact she does this whenever we pass by her.) As usual, yesterday he said to us in his nearly perfect English as we were dropping him off, "Please come, we have not seen you for such a long time. My mother always asks why you don't come. Please, come have lunch."
It was 2:30, the day at work had been harrowing. In fact, the whole week had been hellish. Both George and I were overcome with the feeling you get after a long day a work (especially a long day of battling through cultural--not language--communication blockages to accomplish simple tasks). That feeling that desperately wants to get out of the business clothes, grab an unhealthy snack, and go cross-eyed in front of the TV. In short, to have personal space in a safe place.
This concept is unknown to my very intelligent student. He just doesn't get it, and his family even less-so. He has never had personal space. Besides, why would you ever want to cut out your family? This is no slight to him, it is merely a consequence of their perfectly satisfactory way of life.
We said to him, "Not today, it's been a long, and we really need some space."
He says, "No problem, come relax, we will give you lunch."
We say, "No thanks, we really just need to have our own quiet space."
He says, "Ok, we will just sit."
We say, "No, some other time, we need our personal space now."
He acquiesces. "Ok, my mother will be disappointed." She becons to us warmly, but a bit too feverishly, through the car window. "Inshallah, God willing, tomorrow."
They are a lovely family. We like them. But to them, 2 hours of coffee, mandatory dates and force-fed, pre-peeled fruit sounds like a comforting and relaxing afternoon after a hard day at work. To me, well, I want my bathrobe, a cup of hot chocolate and nobody talking to me. That's what I'm used to. To them, that is both boring and bizarre.
So, while I appreciate the nuanced cultural complications of living in this neighborhood, to those of you in average American neighborhood, do this for me: Relish in being able to stroll by your neighbors as you take the dog for a walk or check your mail box and just give a simple wave and a "how-dy do-dy"--and have that be just fine.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Stop picking on (only) Islamic extremism
Let me burden you with a small personal preface: Having been raised Catholic and educated for 18 years in Catholic schools, I remember the lessons from the Bible that were repeated year after year in my education. Despite no longer calling myself religious, I still hold high Christian values. And when I say Christian values, I mean the original lessons and parables we get from the man himself in the Gospel (although those as well were likely changed and amended in the nearly 2,000 years before they got to me in the 1980s.)
I now live in an environment even more steeped in religiosity than anything I have experienced before. Conservative Islam permeates every aspect of society here, perhaps most noticeably in women's clothing. In recent posts I have discussed the rather confusing issue of the abaya'. I have pondered and questioned—why do people follow what they can't defend? Perhaps many of the women cannot explain why they wear the abaya', or tell me where it comes from, but is that so unusual? Is that so reprehensible compared to what goes on under the guise of Catholic morality? If you look around you, Catholicism is getting harder and harder to defend itself.
Just this week, the Catholic Church excommunicated a 9 year old Brazilian girl and her family. The girl had been raped by her step-father, and was pregnant with twins. Her family made the decision to have an abortion. The Vatican responded by banning this family and the doctor who performed the abortion from the Catholic community forever. Is that a Christian response? What would Jesus do? Cliché—no doubt. But perhaps a little dose of 8th grade religious simplicity would do the Vatican a bit of good.
I remember the passage: “How will you say to your brother, Brother, let me take the grain of dust out of your eye, when you yourself do not see the bit of wood in your eye? You hypocrite! First take the wood out of your eye and then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your brother's eye.” –Luke 6:42
In addition, let’s remember the well-known passage of Jesus telling the crowd which is about to stone the adulterous woman that the one among them who has done no wrong should throw the first stone. Everyone leaves, of course.
In short: we are not to be judgmental. We cannot decide for others, for we are so blinded by our own inadequacies and are so deeply imperfect.
This astory would strike anyone; however, it affected me not only because it is a heart-wrenching and dismaying story, but also because it sheds new light onto all the international hullabaloo over Islamic extremism.
So often, we hear the rhetoric that Islam practices extreme moral policing and robs people of their freedom. We hear about Saudi Arabia punishing and imprisoning a woman for being raped. It makes international news, framing Saudi Arabia’s religious policy as antithetical to human rights and justice. Compare that to the story of this victimized child in Brazil. A Brazilian Archbishop claimed that: "Abortion is much more serious than killing an adult. An adult may or may not be an innocent, but an unborn child is most definitely innocent. Taking that life cannot be ignored." (See article.) Wasn’t this little girl completely innocent as well? The Catholic Church as well brandishes the sword (and not for the first time) of extreme religious policing with fervor. How can an institution that treats its own with such a blatant lack of compassion and understanding possibly claim to be all about inter-religious dialogue?
The Church needs to take the plank out of its own eye and do some serious spring cleaning in the Vatican. Certainly if it plans on taking a leading role in any sort of religious dialogue, particularly with Islam, which is so often internationally demonized, it needs to brush up on the Bible, and start writing public apologies to all the people and families which have been victimized by both its unacceptable actions of the past years and its all too facile stamp of moral condemnation.
I now live in an environment even more steeped in religiosity than anything I have experienced before. Conservative Islam permeates every aspect of society here, perhaps most noticeably in women's clothing. In recent posts I have discussed the rather confusing issue of the abaya'. I have pondered and questioned—why do people follow what they can't defend? Perhaps many of the women cannot explain why they wear the abaya', or tell me where it comes from, but is that so unusual? Is that so reprehensible compared to what goes on under the guise of Catholic morality? If you look around you, Catholicism is getting harder and harder to defend itself.
Just this week, the Catholic Church excommunicated a 9 year old Brazilian girl and her family. The girl had been raped by her step-father, and was pregnant with twins. Her family made the decision to have an abortion. The Vatican responded by banning this family and the doctor who performed the abortion from the Catholic community forever. Is that a Christian response? What would Jesus do? Cliché—no doubt. But perhaps a little dose of 8th grade religious simplicity would do the Vatican a bit of good.
I remember the passage: “How will you say to your brother, Brother, let me take the grain of dust out of your eye, when you yourself do not see the bit of wood in your eye? You hypocrite! First take the wood out of your eye and then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your brother's eye.” –Luke 6:42
In addition, let’s remember the well-known passage of Jesus telling the crowd which is about to stone the adulterous woman that the one among them who has done no wrong should throw the first stone. Everyone leaves, of course.
In short: we are not to be judgmental. We cannot decide for others, for we are so blinded by our own inadequacies and are so deeply imperfect.
This astory would strike anyone; however, it affected me not only because it is a heart-wrenching and dismaying story, but also because it sheds new light onto all the international hullabaloo over Islamic extremism.
So often, we hear the rhetoric that Islam practices extreme moral policing and robs people of their freedom. We hear about Saudi Arabia punishing and imprisoning a woman for being raped. It makes international news, framing Saudi Arabia’s religious policy as antithetical to human rights and justice. Compare that to the story of this victimized child in Brazil. A Brazilian Archbishop claimed that: "Abortion is much more serious than killing an adult. An adult may or may not be an innocent, but an unborn child is most definitely innocent. Taking that life cannot be ignored." (See article.) Wasn’t this little girl completely innocent as well? The Catholic Church as well brandishes the sword (and not for the first time) of extreme religious policing with fervor. How can an institution that treats its own with such a blatant lack of compassion and understanding possibly claim to be all about inter-religious dialogue?
The Church needs to take the plank out of its own eye and do some serious spring cleaning in the Vatican. Certainly if it plans on taking a leading role in any sort of religious dialogue, particularly with Islam, which is so often internationally demonized, it needs to brush up on the Bible, and start writing public apologies to all the people and families which have been victimized by both its unacceptable actions of the past years and its all too facile stamp of moral condemnation.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Women in Black
After a week of wondering in vain why Gulf women wear the black abaya’ over their already loose and colorful clothing, I decided to do a little investigating. (See previous post). The only difference between the abaya’ and their home attire is color. I was sure that color could not possibly be the deciding factor as to why women wear the abaya’ in public as opposed to their more traditional dresses and scarves. And I was correct. It’s not color, but it’s also not modesty. In response to the question, “Why do you wear the abaya’ every day?”—every woman in my small sample of six women said, in different words, “just because.”
My issue was with 1) the color black, and 2) the double covering with no increase in modesty (I made it clear that I understand using the abaya’ cloak to cover other clothes, such as jeans, tee-shirts or anything tight or revealing. I just did not, however, understand the redundancy). Some said it was required by Islam (not true). Some said that it was in the Hadith (not true). Some said the Mohammed said to wear black (not true). Some girls even asked me where it came from. Eventually it came down to other people. Other people will look at them if they don’t wear it. Not necessarily looking at them because they were showing anything more…a sexy bit of collar bone or some womanly curves; rather because they would simply stand out. The power of a homogenized culture boggles the liberal mind. After just years, not even a generation, a trend can become enforced—a cultural, even more than a religious, uniform. Most women here know that the abaya’ is not traditional Omani clothing, but they have no idea where it did come from, so much so that they turned to their resident western fashion guru—me—to find out where the abaya’ came from, and when.
I’m all about people making their own decisions….so long as they are informed decisions. I am done pondering why Gulf women wear this black robe over their already modest, loose dresses. The deeper and much more important issue (although it may not seem to be more important in this heat) is why these young women don’t know the history that they put on every morning. They are fulfilling unknown fatwas; following nameless rulers; abiding by the edicts of a stringent form of Islam that they cannot name. Why are these women so ignorant of the forces that control them?
Perhaps the examples are clearer here in the Arab Gulf—the quiet oppression and confident cooperation stand out like a sore thumb to an aware outsider. But it is crucial to rise above one’s immediate surroundings and look around at the rest of the world. Can the lessons being learned here in my little Omani town be applied all over the globe? People are passively, or at least unknowingly, cooperating with their silent oppressors everywhere. It just happens to be blisteringly obvious here.
My issue was with 1) the color black, and 2) the double covering with no increase in modesty (I made it clear that I understand using the abaya’ cloak to cover other clothes, such as jeans, tee-shirts or anything tight or revealing. I just did not, however, understand the redundancy). Some said it was required by Islam (not true). Some said that it was in the Hadith (not true). Some said the Mohammed said to wear black (not true). Some girls even asked me where it came from. Eventually it came down to other people. Other people will look at them if they don’t wear it. Not necessarily looking at them because they were showing anything more…a sexy bit of collar bone or some womanly curves; rather because they would simply stand out. The power of a homogenized culture boggles the liberal mind. After just years, not even a generation, a trend can become enforced—a cultural, even more than a religious, uniform. Most women here know that the abaya’ is not traditional Omani clothing, but they have no idea where it did come from, so much so that they turned to their resident western fashion guru—me—to find out where the abaya’ came from, and when.
I’m all about people making their own decisions….so long as they are informed decisions. I am done pondering why Gulf women wear this black robe over their already modest, loose dresses. The deeper and much more important issue (although it may not seem to be more important in this heat) is why these young women don’t know the history that they put on every morning. They are fulfilling unknown fatwas; following nameless rulers; abiding by the edicts of a stringent form of Islam that they cannot name. Why are these women so ignorant of the forces that control them?
Perhaps the examples are clearer here in the Arab Gulf—the quiet oppression and confident cooperation stand out like a sore thumb to an aware outsider. But it is crucial to rise above one’s immediate surroundings and look around at the rest of the world. Can the lessons being learned here in my little Omani town be applied all over the globe? People are passively, or at least unknowingly, cooperating with their silent oppressors everywhere. It just happens to be blisteringly obvious here.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Too Damn Hot: a brief rant
Yes, that's right. It's too damn hot. The Cole Porter song may focus on it being too hot to make love, but more importantly in Oman, it's too hot to dress like an Arab woman.
The month is February, and the daily temperature is already in the 90s (low 30s Celsius). You can imagine (or not) the 120 degree heat of July. The fact that the Arabian Gulf gets blisteringly hot is not news to me, I was here in late August and was in Bahrain in June. Nevertheless, having gotten used to the delightfully perfect weather of the past two months, it's coming as a shock this time, and with increased insight.
Women here, as I have said many a time, wear long, black, polyester sheets on top of their already completely modest attire of long, colorful, cotton dresses. I cannot say that I've ever experience wearing an 'abaya under the beating Gulf sun, but I can imagine. Perhaps they have gotten used to it, having started wearing it from their early teen years or earlier. Perhaps they just see no other choice. Perhaps they like the intense and sweaty sauna effect. As far as I'm concerned, however, this is one cultural normality here that I cannot embrace. I can't even really regard it with that "I-don't-understand-but-okay" attitude that the experienced traveler routinely relies upon.
I think that no woman in her right (non-pressured) mind chooses to put that on under the Gulf sun. It's not modesty. It's fear and the refusal to assert a widely-held personal preference over enforced social homogeneity.
The month is February, and the daily temperature is already in the 90s (low 30s Celsius). You can imagine (or not) the 120 degree heat of July. The fact that the Arabian Gulf gets blisteringly hot is not news to me, I was here in late August and was in Bahrain in June. Nevertheless, having gotten used to the delightfully perfect weather of the past two months, it's coming as a shock this time, and with increased insight.
Women here, as I have said many a time, wear long, black, polyester sheets on top of their already completely modest attire of long, colorful, cotton dresses. I cannot say that I've ever experience wearing an 'abaya under the beating Gulf sun, but I can imagine. Perhaps they have gotten used to it, having started wearing it from their early teen years or earlier. Perhaps they just see no other choice. Perhaps they like the intense and sweaty sauna effect. As far as I'm concerned, however, this is one cultural normality here that I cannot embrace. I can't even really regard it with that "I-don't-understand-but-okay" attitude that the experienced traveler routinely relies upon.
I think that no woman in her right (non-pressured) mind chooses to put that on under the Gulf sun. It's not modesty. It's fear and the refusal to assert a widely-held personal preference over enforced social homogeneity.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
12 Months of Culture Shock
There are days during extensive travel to a foreign place where everything just seems to make no sense. Everything bothers you, and sparks unjustified and sweeping statements against a really very heterogeneous group of people. The interesting thing is that these "bad" days very often follow the "good" days, almost as if your mind had exhausted its cultural comprehension capabilities and needed a rest. I would place this back and forth vacillation in the third stage of culture shock, which for me is happening in the 6th month of my travel in Oman. Let's start at the beginning though.
The stages of culture shock are extremely frustrating. You really need to live for a significant period of time in the foreign country (in my opinion, over half a year or more) to really experience this. Upon first arrival in the new place, you usually will be euphorically happy, vastly overestimating the greatness of your new home. That lasts until you get homesick for your old place and start to idealize it. (For me, around 2 months in). Suddenly, not much seems rosy in the new place anymore. The peoples' gender relations, their clothes, their education system, the way their banks operate, the fact that you can't find your favorite item in the supermarket: everything seems just all wrong and back home seems all right. Depending on the sharpness of the cultural differnces between the old and new places, this stage could last anywhere from a month to 4 months.
Next is the third stage, which where I am now (6 months in). At this point you've learned to applaud the good and accept the bad. Yes, you miss some things from home, but not everything is great there either. Returning home in the previous stage, when everything is perfect at home in your mind, can lead to some pretty serious boomerang effect "reverse culture shock" upon arriving home, and realizing that your memory did not serve you well: Things aren't so hot here either. Nevertheless, despite the predominant sense of balance in stage three, there are days when you revert to stage two. This happened to me yesterday. Ironically enough, only a few days after my day of feeling empowered and integrated into the society. (See blog post "Commanding Respect").
My husband and I went to Muscat to do some shopping yesterday and during the whole trip I felt slapped in the face by all sorts of things that just completely clashed with the way that I understand the world. Here are some examples of what I mean, some more serious than others no doubt.
1. Why is there no whole wheat pasta here? Ever?
2. I don't care if this meat is Halal, I just want to know if it's free range (see post on "Halal" at www.expateating.blogspot.com)
3. Why do the men here always think they can get in front of me at the checkout line? And then immediately back off when they see my husband coming to join me in line?
4. Why do they eat so many dates here? Seriously.
5. Why do men here think they can talk about me in Arabic, while staring right at me no less, and think I don't know or don't care. Shoo hayda? (What's that?) 'Eysh? I say to them. Shoo bidak? What you do you want?? And they look so surprised. Not much forethought there, guys...
6. Speaking of forethought: why do they drive 90 mph with their children jumping around the car? I don't understand how you can say you care about your children when you drive like a maniac on a highway with your infant cushioned between you and the steering wheel.
7. Why do these people wear uniforms all the time? All the men and all the women look identical. And then why do my female students complain that I don't say hi to them when I walk past them from behind....probably because you look like all the other 600 girls at the school from behind.
8. Why do my neighbors let their children play in the dumpster by our house that's buzzing with flies and filled with broken glass and other garbage bin-worth things.....but not let them play with my friend's puppy because dogs are "dirty"?? (Note that this idea of avoiding dogs is less prevalent in the more rural areas. See post called "Dogs" at www.middleeastthoughts.blogspot.com)
All this said, I know that America is ridiculous as well, and I'm sure that today will be much better. I do love Oman. I really do.
Welcome to the third stage of culture shock.
The stages of culture shock are extremely frustrating. You really need to live for a significant period of time in the foreign country (in my opinion, over half a year or more) to really experience this. Upon first arrival in the new place, you usually will be euphorically happy, vastly overestimating the greatness of your new home. That lasts until you get homesick for your old place and start to idealize it. (For me, around 2 months in). Suddenly, not much seems rosy in the new place anymore. The peoples' gender relations, their clothes, their education system, the way their banks operate, the fact that you can't find your favorite item in the supermarket: everything seems just all wrong and back home seems all right. Depending on the sharpness of the cultural differnces between the old and new places, this stage could last anywhere from a month to 4 months.
Next is the third stage, which where I am now (6 months in). At this point you've learned to applaud the good and accept the bad. Yes, you miss some things from home, but not everything is great there either. Returning home in the previous stage, when everything is perfect at home in your mind, can lead to some pretty serious boomerang effect "reverse culture shock" upon arriving home, and realizing that your memory did not serve you well: Things aren't so hot here either. Nevertheless, despite the predominant sense of balance in stage three, there are days when you revert to stage two. This happened to me yesterday. Ironically enough, only a few days after my day of feeling empowered and integrated into the society. (See blog post "Commanding Respect").
My husband and I went to Muscat to do some shopping yesterday and during the whole trip I felt slapped in the face by all sorts of things that just completely clashed with the way that I understand the world. Here are some examples of what I mean, some more serious than others no doubt.
1. Why is there no whole wheat pasta here? Ever?
2. I don't care if this meat is Halal, I just want to know if it's free range (see post on "Halal" at www.expateating.blogspot.com)
3. Why do the men here always think they can get in front of me at the checkout line? And then immediately back off when they see my husband coming to join me in line?
4. Why do they eat so many dates here? Seriously.
5. Why do men here think they can talk about me in Arabic, while staring right at me no less, and think I don't know or don't care. Shoo hayda? (What's that?) 'Eysh? I say to them. Shoo bidak? What you do you want?? And they look so surprised. Not much forethought there, guys...
6. Speaking of forethought: why do they drive 90 mph with their children jumping around the car? I don't understand how you can say you care about your children when you drive like a maniac on a highway with your infant cushioned between you and the steering wheel.
7. Why do these people wear uniforms all the time? All the men and all the women look identical. And then why do my female students complain that I don't say hi to them when I walk past them from behind....probably because you look like all the other 600 girls at the school from behind.
8. Why do my neighbors let their children play in the dumpster by our house that's buzzing with flies and filled with broken glass and other garbage bin-worth things.....but not let them play with my friend's puppy because dogs are "dirty"?? (Note that this idea of avoiding dogs is less prevalent in the more rural areas. See post called "Dogs" at www.middleeastthoughts.blogspot.com)
All this said, I know that America is ridiculous as well, and I'm sure that today will be much better. I do love Oman. I really do.
Welcome to the third stage of culture shock.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Excellent Article
Being a female teacher in a conservative society, I was touched by this article about terrorized girls trying to go to school in Afghanistan. By comparison, Oman is a haven of female empowerment.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/14/world/asia/14kandahar.html?emc=eta1
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/14/world/asia/14kandahar.html?emc=eta1
Commanding Respect
I just returned to my office from a simple walk to the post office. Strolling to the post office half a mile away shouldn't be note-worthy, but here, for me, it is. My masculine clothing, my distinctly western way of walking, and my gender, all make a little neighborhood walk into an event. Today, however, was different. Although I still got the stares, the car honks, the confusion, I didn't take notice. I didn't look, I didn't react, and most importantly, I didn't care.
It was a moment of liberation for me, to be able to go about my business, as I am, and return to my office feeling refreshed and empowered, rather than tired and disillusioned.
I've heard many western women, both in person, and on blogs like mine, complain of feeling like a lab rat--being watched, tested, poked at. There is definitely an element of truth to this feeling. I've felt exactly the same. Nevertheless, today taught me a lesson that I already knew in theory: being a western woman in a conservative Muslim town doesn't need to be painful. People are people wherever they are. Men are men. Women are women, and people stand out everywhere. The person that attracts the gasps on the streets of New York may be rare, but it happens. In southern Alabama, who gets noticed? In small town Kansas, who gets stared at? In the Italian countryside, who do people whisper about? Maybe it wouldn't be me, but it would be somebody.
All over the world, people have learned to cope and act with confidence despite being scorned or isolated. And this is precisely what has authentically brought them into the society. I can't be an Omani woman, but I can become integrated as who I am--if I act like that's okay. Of course, this does not mean that I should go running in a sports bra and shorts because I think that's okay in America. By no means. No matter what, respect cannot be lost.
Combining that respect, however, with a no-guilt attitude about who you are and where you're from as a western woman will get you much more respect in return than hiding, apologizing, and fearing your daily interactions with the people around you.
It was a moment of liberation for me, to be able to go about my business, as I am, and return to my office feeling refreshed and empowered, rather than tired and disillusioned.
I've heard many western women, both in person, and on blogs like mine, complain of feeling like a lab rat--being watched, tested, poked at. There is definitely an element of truth to this feeling. I've felt exactly the same. Nevertheless, today taught me a lesson that I already knew in theory: being a western woman in a conservative Muslim town doesn't need to be painful. People are people wherever they are. Men are men. Women are women, and people stand out everywhere. The person that attracts the gasps on the streets of New York may be rare, but it happens. In southern Alabama, who gets noticed? In small town Kansas, who gets stared at? In the Italian countryside, who do people whisper about? Maybe it wouldn't be me, but it would be somebody.
All over the world, people have learned to cope and act with confidence despite being scorned or isolated. And this is precisely what has authentically brought them into the society. I can't be an Omani woman, but I can become integrated as who I am--if I act like that's okay. Of course, this does not mean that I should go running in a sports bra and shorts because I think that's okay in America. By no means. No matter what, respect cannot be lost.
Combining that respect, however, with a no-guilt attitude about who you are and where you're from as a western woman will get you much more respect in return than hiding, apologizing, and fearing your daily interactions with the people around you.
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