Iftar Fever

A little background: Iftar is the fast-breaking meal at sundown for Muslims during Ramadan. From sun up to sun down, they are not supposed to eat, drink (even a sip of water), have sex, smoke cigarettes, etc. Some even argue that sex and smoking shouldn't happen at all the whole month long....why those two are on the same par I don't know...

Anyhow.

Iftar is, of course, a religiously and socially very important meal. Muslims across the world break fast by eating dates, as was the tradition in the Prophet's day. After that, a lavish meal is served, the cuisine depending on the cultural background of the family.

Some iftars are more sumptuous than others, but everywhere, it is an event. Non-Muslims are often invited by Muslim friends to share the iftar meal with their families. It's a great experience for non-Muslims, and they needn't feel shy about being the "odd-one-out". Every Muslim family that I have known is fully aware that you, as a non-Mulsim are not fasting and probably don't know their traditions. So if you're invited, definitely go.

However...a word of warning...

Iftar is not for non-fasters.

After indulging in an endless feast that lasts for hours, your body will feel the bulge, even if you have in fact fasted all day. But if you have gone about your normal day, eating breakfast, and apple here or there, lunch, a latte and croissant from Starbucks..before going to an iftar meal...you probably experience what I call "Iftar Fever".

I think the body rebels, screaming that it simply lacks the ability to process that much food all at once, on top of a full day's eating. Unless your digestive track is made of steel, the food will sit there, motionless in your stomach for upwards of 24 hours. You will wake up in the morning and feel like you just ate 10 minutes ago. The back of your neck and forehead will sweat, and your appetite will be nowhere to found for disturbingly long.

So just go easy. Resist grandmother's demands that you eat more and more of the first course when you have 7 more to come. And don't forget about the juice. And post-course palate cleansers, the sweets, and ritual nibbles that you just can't turn down.

Go, feast, enjoy, but beware the fever that follows. In fact, next time I get invited to an iftar meal, I'm going to give 100% and particpate in the fast too.

QUESTIONS!

Hi all,
I'm running some workshops between American and Omani students. So I'm brainstorming for questions for them to discuss with each other. Maybe you can help me out...

For Westerners: If you could ask anything, what is one question you would ask to a group of Omanis?

For Omanis: What is one questions you would ask to a group of Americans?

Be honest!

Thanks.

Feeling Lost Too...

Everyone who's an expat knows that you feel a little lost now and then. Where do you belong? In your home country? In the last place you lived? Here?
Relationships are both destroyed and strengthened. I have lost touch with many people, but I am convinced that my relationship with my husband couldn't possibly have developed the same depth without extensive and challenging travel together.

So is it a good thing or a bad thing? Should you go home? Does it matter? Are you happy here?

There are so many questions that spin through my (and I would venture to say, most expats' heads) especially when you're feeling down.

ExpatMum got me thinking about these questions again morning over my coffee (as if I needed reminding!) Check out here post here: http://expatmumsilverjeweloman.blogspot.com/2009/11/lost.html

Different Children

So we finally found the three miscreant boys who stole from me, and we told them to return it, or we will go to their house (another boy filled us in as to where they live), and if that doesn't work, then we will go to the police. Still trying grassroots up, but I'm seriously loosing interest.

Anyhow....

I had a different sort of interaction with some neighborhood girls yesterday. While we were waiting for the boys to come return the thing with their tails between their legs (which they didn't of course), the doorbell rang. This time it was 5 young girls, between 12 and 5 years old.

They formed a benign semi-circle around me and waited for me to say something. We exchanged the normal greetings...pause.

"What are your names?" I asked

They told me. ...Pause.

"So, how old are all of you?" I kept going.

They told me...Pause. I'm not really sure what to say at this point. I used to think I was really good with kids, but the children here seems to totally throw me off my game.

"Uh, so the weather is really nice now, huh?" I commented. The old default of the weather didn't enthrall them.

Pause... They are still just standing there looking at me, not offering any conversation items.

The call to prayer sounded from the local mosque.

"So, do you speak any English?"

"No," they said. I'm out of conversation topics at this point.

"So, I'm making dinner (a lie) so maybe later, ok?"

"That's fine," the older one said. "We are going to go pray now anyways."

"Do you pray??" piped up the middle girl.

Awkward...given that one, I'm not Muslim and two, that I'm not religious at all really.

"Well, not like you," I offered innocently. Hey, I grew up Catholic and I still think there's lots of great elements to Christianity.

They just look confused at my statement.

"Well, you see, I'm not Muslim," I continued. Am I just digging myself into a hole here? Probably, but I don't want them to think that everyone they like is by default a Muslim, because all good people must be Mulism, right? This is a very common train of thought here.

"You're not?" she asked sort of accusingly.

"No, but there are lots of Muslims in America. But most people there are Christian though," I explained. Note here that in areas like where I live, trying to explain atheism, agnosticism, or even the existence of another religion outside of the big three does not go over well.

"So you're Christian, then?" She asked.

"Yes."

With that they all did a synchronized hair-pin turn and went out the gate.

Oopps???

Oh well...what else do they know to do?

Advice

Thanks for the comments and advice. I appreciate it! I have thought about moving, however, that would mean uprooting so much stuff, not to mention all the complications with our landlord and agency boss. The rent is paid for the year on this house and it would cause big issues to leave. Not to mention loosing the yard. But I've still thought about it.

More tempting is involving the wali/sheikh/and or police. This is an option. Our command of Arabic is good enough to negotiate that, and perhaps it would, as you say, make them realize that we're serious.

Most of the time, backing out here only causes problems. The town is small. Most people know most people. Getting "scared" out of their neighborhood is likely precisely what they would like, and word would get around that we're able to be intimidated. I'd rather play by their rules.

If I've learned anything in my 2 years in the region, it's that if you CAN, playing the wusta card and proving to them that you're not easily bamboozled, that you KNOW how things work and can pull consequences for them...you gain respect. Leaving will just show we lost. I hate to put it in those terms, but it's something of cultural battle of the wills.

We live here, and are invested. It's not like we're tourists anymore. Switching from visitor to member of society (granted at a lesser level) changes the game.

If your neighbors were harassing you, would you just up and move? Probably not.

I think I just answered my own question (with your help!). We should probably take one more stab and the neighbors one-on-one and then take it up a level to the "authorities".

Now they're stealing....

So before we left for Dubai, I woke up to discover that my music player in my car was gone.

Those children who had woken my husband and I up the night we went searching through the neighbor for the rascals had stolen it from my car. We had seen them run out the gate of the yard, coming from the area where I park the car, but naively (or just sleepily) hadn't thought that they would have stolen anything.

George spoke to one of our neighbors and told him that he expects it to be returned in a few days, but what's the "or else"? What kind of sway do we hold? We don't have a picture of the boys, so we can't go to the police. We don't know which family. There are SO many children here that God knows which house they belong to. What CAN we do? Basically I think the kids just got away with it. Who is going to own up to it? Who's going to admit stealing (totally haram by the way)?

I think it's gone. But really I care less about loosing my music player than the fact that they just learned the lesson that they can walk on us. We just don't know the families. Accountabilty here comes from being known. Who knows you? Who's it going to get back to? That's what keeps things in check and we just don't have that.

So what can we do?

I bought a pad lock. I hate to be more isolated but I'm sure as hell not letting anybody in our yard until it gets returned. Otherwise there was no "societal consequence", you could call it, to disrespecting us.

Any advice? Seriously.

Midnight Hunting for Children

And so the saga continues. Only there are new players on the scene now.

Last night as we were falling asleep at 10:45, the doorbell rang again. More persistent than ever. I said to my husband that no adult (inshallah) would ring a doorbell so frantically. It had to be the children again. We dragged ourselves out of bed, just angry now. Opening the front door, we saw the boys (maybe aged 12 or 13) tearing off away from the house. This is just getting ridiculous, so George went to talk to the father. This father apparently only had a 1 year old, and sent us elsewhere...seemed true, but who knows?

So there we were, two angry Americans, in our pajamas (just boring old sweatpants) stomping through this barren neighborhood in search of naughty children and lenient parents. We walked the kilometer or so to the crazy children's house of the previous posts and I spoke to the mother who very nicely made me the sweets. Father was no where to be seen...work, the little girl says. Again, who knows?

She was pleasant, but somewhat shocked that HER boys would come in without being asked. I'm like.. Uh...you were there when he hit me, don't you think he would be capable of coming in without an invite??? But I didn't say that. I was politic.
So although we did not find the little monsters in question for tonight, she said she would spread the word that we are not cool with that. Or maybe she'll just spread the word that we're not cool...?

Who knows?

Do I sound a little disillusioned? No, I'm just tired. Too bad there aren't any trees in the yard. Then they could just quietly TP the house and let me sleep.

Off to Dubai this weekend for a much needed break!

ps: It's no fun trying to explain to a very traditional mother that her sons are bad in Arabic when I was almost asleep 10 minutes before. You should try it sometime.

Mothers vs. Children

Well, it's been almost a week since the original children fiasco/break-in, and several days since the boy hit me in front of his placid mother (who was giving me Omani treats to eat).

Of course this means that I have her plates. As per cultural rules in most societies, it's about time that I return the dishes with something sweet as well.

Helwiyat Amrikiya? Chocolate Chip Cookies? Banana bread? We'll see. I still feel weird engaging with them, but I don't see much choice. Do you? I want to be friendly, I really do, but the continuing inappropriate behavior of her posse of children leaves me unenthusiastic.

So I really have no choice though, seeing as I am indeed invading their neighborhood?

I guess I'm making cookies tonight...

You Are Looking So Beautiful!

Why is it that the first day I go to the store in my own car by myself (ie without George) everyone feels the need to tell me that I am (looking) so beautiful? Oh wait, I know the answer. Because no man protecting you = available for hitting on. This doesn't make them dangerous. Just annoying. Any serious sexual predator wouldn't care if I had a man by my side or not. They have other ways of manipulating and intimidating that goes way beyond benign yet annoying comments on my appearance...

One Indian worker at the technology part of the store even went so far as to pretend to be "examining his camera" while he snapped my picture as walked up to his counter. Not the first time this has happened either.

Sad that a picture of my face looking sweaty and frazzled after a day a work and trudging through 120 degree heat is the best they've got when they go home to their dank little rooms at night.

I just feeling bad for them in all honesty.

Easy or Not?

Sometimes when you're relatively settled and established in a different place, like we are in Oman, it's easy to forget that everyday is still a challenging cultural learning experience. We've got a nice new house, two cars, TV, good food, a job, mountain bikes, good books, things to do, and each other. Isn't that all people need, and then some?! I wouldn't be able to afford all that if I lived in the States.

Why is it then that I (and so many others) seem to carry around an inordinate amount of stress and fatigue?

It's easy to forget how tiring it is just living here. Dealing with drama and chaos at the college, struggling to communicate with the Indian cable guy, getting gawked at when you're just trying to buy some milk. It takes it out of you.

Even though this society is very slow-going, we have to remember to take it easy and to give ourselves a break.